391. A Doctor's Near Death Experience & Transformation - Dr. Michael Hession

​[00:00:00]

Hello and welcome to the meditation conversation, the podcast to support your spiritual revolution.

I'm your host, Kara Goodwin. Near death experiences are so powerful as we hear what it's like when we leave this earth realm and enter into the heavenly one, as well as the profound changes that are experienced once life resumes again when they come back.

And I really enjoyed hearing Michael Hessian's experience

and his unique perspective as a busy cardiac physician, his powerful experience of dying as well as his experience of being paralyzed and unable to communicate have led him to advocating for ICU patients and those who are comatose or paralyzed. He wants health care workers and families to know that even when a patient can't communicate, they're hearing everything, and they benefit so much from being treated in a loving and caring way.

[00:01:00] Michael Hessian is board certified in internal medicine and cardiology, as well as a fellow in the American College of Physicians and American College of Cardiology. He currently works as a medical director at Mass General Brigham and has been voted as a top doctor by Boston Magazine a whopping eight times.

He's the author of Physician Heal Thyself, Nearly Dead, and the Journey Back to Health.

So we'll get into Michael's episode in just a moment. I am so excited about the Sedona Ascension retreat, March 14th through the 16th, 2025. I'm so excited to see amazing guests, such as Bashar, Robert Edward Grant, Billy Carson, William Henry, and previous meditation conversation guests like Adam Apollo, psychic lawyer, Mark Anthony, Alan Steinfeld, Vivian Chabot, Amanda Romagna, and so many.

More amazing guests. You can use code Kara Goodwin five for 5 percent off your ticket. K A [00:02:00]R a G O O D W I N and the number five. for 5 percent off. I hope to see you there. And now enjoy this episode.

Kara Goodwin: Well, welcome Michael. I'm so excited to have you here today. I can't wait to hear your story.

Michael Hession: Thank you, Kara.

Kara Goodwin: So let's talk about your NDE. Can you describe what happened with your near death experience?

Michael Hession: Sure, happy to. Um, it was completely unexpected, uh, I guess as most near death experiences are. I was, uh, working as a physician, a cardiologist. My 60 hour work week, I had developed a cold around the week or so before Christmas 2013. but I, I just couldn't seem to shake it and it, it just kept getting worse.

And, to see my physician and got an x ray and I had a little pneumonia. we got started on some antibiotics and figured that would be it, but it wasn't it. It failed to get better. By, New [00:03:00] Year's Eve, I woke up during the night, really struggling to breathe. My wife had already been awoken by my labored breathing. She's a nurse, so she knew instinctively that I was in trouble. this was not just a cold. And, We called 911, and I was brought to, The hospital I'd been working at for the prior 30 plus years in the emergency room, I was, in very bad shape. My x ray showed that my pneumonia had progressed to what's called, uh, respiratory distress syndrome, where the pneumonia had evolved. Every single lobe of both my lungs. My blood oxygen level was very low. I was struggling to breathe they told my wife that I needed to be started on life support immediately if I was to live so I remember bits and pieces of it go ahead do it and I remember [00:04:00] People talking at the foot of the bed. They're talking about me in the past tense You I kept trying to say that, uh, I can hear you. I'm still here, but I couldn't speak. I couldn't move. Um, when you get intubated and put on life support, it's a very unpleasant procedure. So you have to be sedated and paralyzed. so there was no way to communicate. My wife had spoken to the physicians who were taking care of me in the intensive care unit and they said, I was failing to respond to the, uh, to the they were giving me, the life support, the ventilator, the antibiotics, and they recommended that I'd be transferred into Boston to be started on, uh, ECMO, which is essentially an artificial lung extracorporeal membrane perfusion oxygenation. so it was agreed that I was to be transferred to the Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston. I was accepted and Boston Med flight arrived. at the time I didn't know this, but there was a blizzard, um, [00:05:00] Beginning to hit Boston and, the air, the air ambulance was grounded. they decided to make a, uh, high risk transfer using a ground ambulance, while the roads were still passable. they put me into a medically induced coma and I was transferred to the Brigham. And when I arrived there, I was closer to death than I was previously. of the things that happens with pneumonia is you have a lot of secretions in your lungs, but you can't, you can't really cough them up because you're on this life support. So they would suction you. It's a very unpleasant experience. I likened it to the, I don't know if you ever saw any of the mummy movies with Brendan Fraser, but, there's a scene where, uh, Imhotep inhales the life out of the grave warmers. And that's what it felt like the, the, the suctioning catheter was placed down the tube into my lungs and the air and the, and the mucus was suctioned out. It was a very unpleasant feeling [00:06:00] and, left me drenched in sweat. And, really exhausted. After one of those episodes, I don't know when, because once I was intubated, time really ceased to become a dimension. I had no idea really where I was, what time of day it was, I just knew that I was in trouble. Being a physician, I knew my prognosis was not very good. I had much less than 50 percent chance of survival, probably closer to 25%. it was after one of these episodes where I was suctioned that I, I didn't wake up or come true, come to the way I did with the previous episodes. I felt my body just drifting into a black void. I could feel my body becoming cold in the distance. I could hear crying, mournful wailing. It was very disorienting. I couldn't understand where the crying was coming from. [00:07:00] Somewhere I was able to glimpse my family. They were crying they were trying to pull me back. But the forces pulling me away was stronger. I was just gently pulled into this blackness and my body became cold. it was surprisingly peaceful. I think up until that point to say that I was terrified of what was going on would be really be a gross understatement.

I was beyond terrified. but this feeling of just floating in the darkness was surprisingly peaceful. And after some period of time, I don't know when, I became aware, I became aware of a light. in the distance and this force was bringing me closer to the light some point again I don't know how long because time really no longer existed as a dimension. I saw that the light really was a woman in glowing robes and she said to me, [00:08:00] Michael, it is not your time. You must return. And at that point, I could feel my body starting to warm up again. that I felt myself drifting back to where I was. And then the next thing I remember was my wife speaking into my left ear, telling me what had happened that I was in the Brigham Women's Hospital with a very bad pneumonia on life support. But that I had started to show signs of improvement. It was very disorienting. I, I, I, at the time I just couldn't understand really what was happening other than I came close to dying, but I didn't die. I still, to this day, I remember that vividly. feeling, a memory that has stayed with me.

Kara Goodwin: Wow.

Michael Hession: And I worked with it. I was in the hospital for about 14 days life support for over[00:09:00] 11. Then when I woke up, I was paralyzed, couldn't move. I was diagnosed with 7 Yanbaray syndrome, which is a well known complication of our illnesses. that began a whole of terror. once I was stable, once my breathing was stable enough, they, transferred to rehabilitation hospital. the goal there was to help to help me recover. I was placed on the spinal cord, spinal cord injury floor. Basically, I was paralyzed just like anybody who has a spinal cord injury except mine. Causing the parallel, paralysis was likely, I would likely recover. much I would recover, how long it would take. was an unknown, people get back to some degree of functioning, meaning their ability to walk and, and to carry out activities, daily living after six months to a year. that was about right. it took me, it took me about a year and a half to get back to work to leaving my, leaving, [00:10:00] leaving my life. way I did

Kara Goodwin: So let me, because I know listeners of the meditation conversation are going to be particularly interested in the near death, um, experience aspect of your story. Um, so I just want to not, not breeze past that too quickly. Did, was there any recognition of the woman in robes? Did she seem familiar to you?

Did you end up having kind of any insight into who that was or, or the role that she's playing in your life?

Michael Hession: at the time, honestly, she looked familiar. It wasn't my mother. It wasn't any relative. it wasn't until later when I was in, uh, Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital that a, uh, My best friend and his wife came to visit me, and, they brought me some reading material and a candle from, Notre Dame, from the Grotto to Our [00:11:00] Lady of Lourdes at Notre Dame, they said that when I went, when I was admitted to the hospital, my wife had called all my family and friends and asked them to pray for me, and, My friend's daughters, both daughters were at Notre Dame at the time. they asked the people who ran the, uh, the daily prayer ceremony the grotto to pray the rosary for me. And it was when I, they told me that, I realized that I had seen that, that woman before. And it was really shocking to find out that that was. depiction of our lady of lords. it was very hard to wrap my mind around that. I think in most people's lives have experienced the need to pray at times, experience in my reading, you know, um, there's an old saying that there are no atheists in foxholes. I would also go on to say there were no atheists in ICUs. I [00:12:00] had a primal drive to pray, to plead to God to live. Um,

Kara Goodwin: your faith background, you know, prior to that experience? Did you have a, a background with any sort of faith?

Michael Hession: yes, I did. I was brought up in a very religious family. it was basically something, you know, faith formation was something that happened when I was a child and adolescent. and hadn't as intimate a part of my life as an adult, as a practicing physician. the realization at that time that there had to be a connection between those prayers said for me at the Notre Dame Grotto to Our Lady of Lourdes and my sudden Improvement from near death. can only be explained by faith. really no scientific explanation that I've [00:13:00] been able to come up with. and I think that, as a physician, I've always been humbled by how much we don't know. You know, there's a sense that, you know, doctors know everything. We don't, there's so much about life that is unknown. we're still figuring out a lot of things as much as we know, there's vastly more that we don't know. clearly I had entered into another dimension and it was surprisingly way. Peaceful and calming. I mean, up to that point, knew I was dying, I knew I was in deep trouble, and my chances of survival were not good. That episode, really, I thought I was dead. I really thought that was the end. And, had never experienced death, so I really didn't, I mean, as a person, I've seen patients die, I've never really Myself, then in a position that I was that sick, that something like that happened, but there was a crossing over that definitely occurred. And there was a definite event [00:14:00] with prayer. And, wife later told me that she had contacted my family, my friends, a local church, and asked that everybody pray for me. she asked the parishioners in our church to pray for me at Mass and I prayed for other people at Mass, but never did it occur to me that one day I'd be, I might be one of those people. So yes, faith was a part of, my upbringing and I am as a person, but it wasn't something that was front and center every day of my life.

Kara Goodwin: And then how did that change? Like in the time since 2013 when you went through this, or maybe it did a dip into 2014 by then,

Michael Hession: Yes,

Kara Goodwin: in the, in the time since then, as you did experience this experience where you, you had this firsthand account, how did that shape your life from that point as a physician and [00:15:00] as a, a person?

Michael Hession: my whole view of the world. a lot. I, think as paradoxical as this may sound, the whole experience made me a better person and a better physician. I had been, um, working very hard, caught up in life. Working 60 hours a week, carving out time for my family for work and trying to come up with the work life balance. And, this really fundamentally changed my relationship with everything. My relationship with my family and my friends become, became a much deeper, closer bond. my ability To be a better doctor was something that I hadn't ever thought possible. I mean, in medicine, it's, you know, you study hard, you get a grade to progress to the next level. it's not something that, a random [00:16:00] life event makes you a better person. But it made me a much more empathetic physician. mean, it was some statistic I remember years ago, reading that, during physical diagnosis class at Dartmouth Medical School, that, in under a minute, most people interrupt patients to move on to what they really want to discuss rather than what the patient wants to discuss. But I found myself being much more patient and much more empathetic. I listened differently. I had been in their shoes. I, I know first, I knew firsthand what it was like to be going through something that you can't understand. And sometimes you really can't put into words. it gave me a tremendous insight, as to what it was like to be a patient.

And I think it really ultimately led me to be a better physician and a better person. I spent, I was able to spend more quality time. With my family and my friends and to be present, I began the [00:17:00]practice of mindfulness meditation and learn took a long time and I'm still in the process of getting better at it. process of mindfulness meditation to be totally in the moment with what you're doing rather than letting your mind drift to other things. that's a real, really difficult thing to do in medicine because you're constantly pulled in different directions. You're being paged, you're being called. there are a lot of things that can distract you, but that ability to become fully present was a very powerful life skill not something that I had really it did. I'm still to this day, all of the experience. it's not something that you can. easily put into, words or make an analogy to what life was like before. It's like how your life has changed, how you become more aware of things around you, more aware of [00:18:00] people's feelings, just learning to look at people, to observe their body language, their facial expression, to understand, what's going on. it was a very, it is a very powerful. experience. I'm not sure I would, I'm not sure I'd recommending, recommend near death to anybody to become a better person, but I think it, it, it did have an indelible, it left an indelible mark on me.

Kara Goodwin: Well, did, did your NDE, inform your healing process at all?

Michael Hession: Yes. the healing process was arduous, which is probably an understatement. It took about a year and a half. There were a lot of setbacks. I had more hospitalization, surgery. I thought back, I kept the memory of what had happened was there, that was something that I was meant to do, something that I had a purpose. I mean, being a physician gave me meaning and purpose. This near death [00:19:00] experience realized that I had an additional purpose that I needed to find. And, I think I have, I ended up writing a book about my experience, something that never would have, if you had made a list of a hundred things I was going to do, wouldn't have been on that list. you know, becoming, active with podcasting, public speaking about this was not something that I considered that I would be doing. I think my story is. Described in detail in my book, Physician Heal Thyself Nearly Dead in the Journey Back to Health. And it describes everything that I just said the process of recovery, which was arduous, the changes that occurred in me, the insights that I developed the strategies that I learned along the way to help me better. I think it's a, I think the book is a very powerful book. It's not a long book. I didn't really want it to be [00:20:00] a long book. I think sometimes people get put off by reading long books. But there's a lot of references in there for anybody who wants to get more in depth, more in depth reading or research on topics.

the feedback from the book has been quite remarkable. I've heard from many physicians and nurses who've read the book and said, This should be a must read for anyone in the healthcare profession.

Kara Goodwin: That's beautiful. Hmm. Hmm.

Michael Hession: I talk about, My experience of being intubated, paralyzed and sedated in a bed and the different that people had interacting with me. So at the time my, wife and my family stayed with me the entire time. was always somebody there and they would come in and talk to me. And, it was immensely reassuring. It was my link to sanity. there's a term in medicine called ICU psychosis is an unfortunate situation that happens to many people, [00:21:00] but it really. Comes about because of, you know, sensory deprivation. I never realized, the connection power of having somebody talk to you and as though you're there and, treat you as a sentient human being. I remember one time they did a test on me in the ICU called a BIS test, Biospectral Analysis, something like an EEG that tests you for awareness. And I heard the tech say at the end of the study, he's still in there. And I tried to say, I know, I'm here, I'm here, but I couldn't speak. many people cared for me every day. My family spoke to me every day. Sometimes the nurses would speak to me. There was one nurse in particular. Every time she came on, she would tell me her name, tell me the date, tell me the time, what she was going to do. And it was amazing how comforting that was.

Kara Goodwin: Hmm.

Michael Hession: Other times people would just come in and I could hear them talking at the foot of the bed and as though I was a part of [00:22:00] a piece of the furniture in the room as opposed to a sentient human being. I was very impressed at the lab techs and the respiratory therapists who would always come in and they'd draw blood and they'd say, I'm going to draw, you're going to feel a little prick. And they draw the blood and they put a bandage on and they would say goodbye. And those little one way interactions were unbelievably powerful. being treated as a sentient human being is a critically important thing. And I think that's one of the lessons that the physicians and nurses who've read my book have said to me, everyone should take the time to speak to the person. As though they're a sentient human being. I think they go about their jobs and they do what needs to be done. The psychological Stress of what your body and your mind [00:23:00] goes through is powerful. And, those one way interactions are my link to sanity. They helped me get through something that I think for many people would have left them with some serious scars.

Kara Goodwin: Thank you for sharing that. That is really powerful. And, you know, that's a place that I think most people who are listening have found themselves on the caring side of that. or they will, you know, during the course of their life where they're, Interacting with a loved one who is non responsive, and it can be confusing.

I mean, as a health care professional, it's a different lens. and I think that's so important for people to be making physicians and healthcare providers aware of. What it is like, because it, seeing patients day in, day, day out. And especially, I think if you see a lot of people in ICU, if that's part of your job, it, you might just become [00:24:00] desensitized to it.

And like you say, kind of see them as part of the furniture and you're more, you know, wanting to communicate with the family or, or whatnot. But being as like a family member or a friend or something, and being in that supportive role. where you're not getting the response. It can be kind of confusing about what's the right way to approach this as in my silly, if I want to talk to them and you know, they're not giving me any signs that they're hearing me.

So it's really powerful to hear your experience in being in that state and that confirmation of like how important that was for you as a, just as a person for that. Hmm.

Michael Hession: It is, it is powerful, and I think it's one of the take home messages of the book. I think that healthcare providers have really, it's resonated for them and I, I think, I've been invited to do a, um, it's called a Schwartz rounds at the hospital. it's described the [00:25:00] patient experience during an admission. And what we just talked about is, ideally it's something that everybody should do, but the reality is they don't. I don't think I did it all the time. I mean, I, think I did, but I'm not sure that I realized how much awareness, a patient has, you don't know what. hearing, if they're hearing anything or what they're understanding. And, uh, there's a tendency to talk to the family members or the other healthcare providers in the room, taking care of the patient and to like, you know, not spend much time talking to the patient, but I can absolutely state it is crucial to do that. And I think there's a realization now, that, there is an awful lot of. Post traumatic stress disorder that comes as a result of these prolonged hospitalizations. As I said a few moments ago, this ICU psychosis was, you know, talked about, well known, phenomenon that occurs [00:26:00] after people have been intubated, on life support for a long period of time.

And it's, it's largely due to sensory deprivation and the terror that you experience because you don't know what's going on. when I was I, I, I kept trying to process a lot of what I went through and understand, what I went through better. And surprisingly, there's actually very little written about it.

There are books about dying. I think, you know, when breath becomes air is a great book what it is to. to know you're dying from it and don't listen to die, but, you know, to recover from something to go through something like I did not, not a lot out there. I, I think that maybe my, purpose with this book, with these podcasts, with the speaking to help increase the awareness among healthcare providers that this is important. reading, books by Admiral Stockdale. He was a prisoner of war Vietnam for six [00:27:00] years after his plane was shot down. And he said that it was the solitary confinement that, that broke people's minds. No one talking to you, not know what's going on. And they devised a secret tap code to communicate that they somehow had a link to the other, other prisoners.

And they could communicate. a powerful need with people it is such, not well understood. Need because the reality is when you're taking care of critically ill patients, there's so much going on. You have to be in tune to all of the moment to moment changes that are occurring and, taking the time to sit down and to have a, you know, a conversation was not on the top of anyone's list. They have so many other things to do. but I think even during the pandemic, they found that what was very helpful for patients when they were in these ICUs intubated, that if they had just cell phones or even iPads where they could communicate with their [00:28:00] family and loved ones, it was very comforting. And, uh, I think there's awareness now that there's a lot of post traumatic stress that It's the consequence of these illnesses, there's a whole movement inside medicine to really become more sensitive. To this, you know, called trauma informed care that as a caregiver health care provider, need to take this into consideration.

It may not be the on the top 10 list of things you do, but it really needs to be even if it's for only a couple of minutes during a shift to talk to the patients, and let them know what's going on. It is. important coming from the point of view as a patient,

Kara Goodwin: Right.

Michael Hession: you know, how, how valuable that

Kara Goodwin: Yeah. Wow. You've, you're just an incredible witness to this whole process from every side, like your ability to, to witness it [00:29:00] from the patient's perspective, from the doctor's perspective, from the inside and the outside is just so valuable. So thank you so much for sharing your story and for being that voice for patients.

From that perspective, tell people how they can find your book, remind us what it's called and how they can find out more about you.

Michael Hession: Sure. The book is called, Physician Thyself, um, Nearly Dead and the Journey Back to Health. It's available on Amazon, a lot of local bookstores. I have a website, www. physicianhealth. com. lowercase, acknowledge, accept, adapt. So, A C K N O W L E D G E, accept, A C C E P T, adapt, A D A P T dot com. tells my story and, you know, some of the background. The book is not a huge commitment to reading. It's about 156 pages. extensive bibliography for people who [00:30:00] want to learn more. But I didn't Want to overwhelm people with information. think if you want to do more digging they can and I give them the the references to do that but I think it's an important story that needs to be told and I'm hopeful that my my speaking tour of hospitals being with physicians and nurses will help them realize That this is an important part of the healing process, the caring process, trauma informed care that needs to occur so that people aren't suffering needlessly.

Kara Goodwin: Well, thank you so much, Michael. What a pleasure to speak with you today.

Michael Hession: Thank you, Cara. Have a good

Kara Goodwin: You too.

Michael Hession: Bye bye now.

Thank you for listening to this episode of meditation conversation. I would be so grateful if you would share this episode with someone in your life who would appreciate it. Your sharing helps build momentum and make high vibrational content such as this more [00:31:00] accessible and easier to find.

I'd also be so grateful for you to subscribe to this content. Thank you for your support. And I look forward to the next meditation conversation.

​